吃果子拜樹頭,給我吃窩窩頭,什麼都豪說!!!
『有話豪說』謹祝大家兔年都能狡兔有三窟!!! 不要再當兔崽子了好嗎?!!!
兔年主打嘎嘎婦人回顧特調:
「魔形女之女神卡卡(一)」女魔頭降臨魂飛魄散首部曲。
女神其餘經典顯靈神蹟 (拜):「魔形女之女神卡卡(二)」「魔形女之女神卡卡(三)」「魔形女之女神卡卡(四)」
上一篇獻給胖妞的讚美詩,據說在亞力山大關門的期間撫慰了不少發福的女性,沒想到這麼悖離世俗常道的詩也有安定人心的功用,我想大愛台也可以請利菁來主持『大愛天后宮』的節目了!算一算亞力山大歇業好幾天了,新買主也快浮上檯面了,本來也想寫一首詩獻給失業的健身教練們,但是怕寫出了寓意扭曲的詩而被人指責說是落井下石,我想我還是暫時收筆好了。

憤怒的會員剛傳真進來說可以考慮寫首詩給唐雅君、蔡純真這對姊妹淘,我覺得寫詩罵人真的有違我國小國語老師的本意,所以如果我有空的話,我還是來為她們畫一幅小畫家的人像圖好了,是不是比較溫馨一點?(結果國小美勞老師引咎辭職、隱居山中、引火自焚)

如果你是被騙錢的會員之一的話,先不要灰心,在亞力山大還沒有重新開業之前,讓我來為各位婆婆媽媽叔叔嬸嬸介紹幾款在家就能運動的玩具,而且都是以老人為形象所設計的款式,也非常適合對老人有嚴重偏見及歧視的年輕人操作使用。

※ 款式一:Fighting Grandads  (激鬥阿公)  我要買

激鬥阿公是兩個拿柺杖互K的老人家,你K我一記老不修,我K你一棒糟老頭,棒透了!!! 多麼希望我到了這把歲數還能硬朗到能跟朋友互K,那就真的沒有白活了!!!!! (以下貼出英文原文產品介紹,如果英文還沒退化光的朋友可以自行閱讀一下,有一股幽幽的俏皮在字裡行間發酵.......)

Forget weapons of mass destruction, a generous dose of righteous indignation and a walking stick in the hands of a grumpy old man is far more threatening. These be-cardiganed and wickedly armed wind-up Fighting Grandads are a force to be reckoned with, or played with at any rate.

Comically shoed and ludicrously hated they're silly, utterly pointless and so of course immense fun. Combined with the Racing Grannies they make for an elite geriatric task force capable of suppressing all insurgencies, or at least putting the youth of today firmly in their place.


  • Set of 2 wind-up grandads.
  • Grandads wear traditionally grandad-esque cardigans, comically small hats, and frumpy shoes, classic!
  • They fight with walking sticks and drag (detachable) wheely shopping baskets along behind them.
  • A suprisingly quick swinging arm action.
  • The Grandads are made of plastic.
  • They come in an illustrated box with a 'bus-stop-battle' announcement.
  • Suitable for ages 8 years+. 






    ※ 款式二:Racing Grannies  (競走阿嬤)  我要買

    競走阿嬤應該是發條玩偶系列的超激版了!!!!! 管他什麼哆啦A夢、哈囉Kitty紛紛暴走,發條阿嬤才是我們唯一的精神指標,而且我相信你也跟我一樣,看老人家能這般健步如飛一定是邊玩邊飆淚的!!!!!!

    $name

    Possibly the best wind-up toy ever invented, the Racing Grannies are to geriatric speedway what Ferrari is to Formula One. As anyone who has been on the receiving end of a Zimmer-frame will know, grannies are formidable movers with legendary stamina, and these delightful wind-ups are testament to their endurance. With expressions of steely determination and complete with go-faster cardigans, these two are just a few winds away from the race of their lives. It's time to have your own Gran National!

  • Set of 2 wind-up grannies.
  • Clashing outfits, silver hair, droopy breasts and a snazzy zimmerframe.
  • Adjustable arms so the Grannies can be in 'Stand-up' mode or bent to 'Race' mode.
  • Made of plastic.
  • Presented in an illustrated box with witty captions.
  • Suitable for ages 8 years+.






    ※ 款式三:Speeding Grandads  (極速阿公)  我要買

    飆車少年請閃邊,什麼紐約東京甩尾還是頭文字ABCD,通通都給我到旁邊罰站,現在的香車美人都只想跟這位極速阿公一起享受奔馳的快感,不好意思,連林志玲也得乖乖排隊!!!!! 以下是飆車示意圖,速度快到我都有點眼花....(扶牆壁)

    Stanley and Arthur may be getting on a bit, but age has not curbed their enthusiasm to feel the need for speed. These two hi-octane octogenarian speedsters are ace contenders for the pavement pentathlon. Pull them back and release them on their unique fast-track race against time. Each speedway geezer sits on a mini scooter complete with oxygen tanks to fuel their enthusiasm. One pull back and off they'll whiz, but who's got what it takes, Stanley or Arthur? We've no idea as they look remarkably similar, and we don't really care, because they're both a blast.




  • A pair of speeding granddads.
  • Each granddad is sat on a shiny motorised scooter complete with OAP basket.
  • A pull back and go motion sets the granddads off on their need for speed mission.
  • Suitable for ages 8 years+.






    ※ 款式四:Muscle Beach Boys  (海灘肌男)  我要買

    好像一直介紹老人在運動,有種夕陽無線好只是近黃昏的惆悵感,好吧,既然夕陽都看到了,那就來海灘找找海灘男孩好了,亞力山大的教練們,這玩具是獻給你們的!!!! 祝你們早日找到工作!!! (哪壺不開提哪壺)

    $name

    Working out is almost as exhausting as working up the required level of self-adoration to go through the whole process in the first place. Just watching people work-out is hard work, and slightly pervy. Well in a bid to alleviate the exhaustion of actually taking any exercise, and an in an attempt to make watching people pump iron acceptable, we introduce Dumbbell Dwayne and Push-up Preston, possibly the funniest wind-up merchants on the planet. Hot from Venice beach, these pumped up boys with their bulging biceps, chiselled features and scary teeth are the perfect answer to letting someone else sweat for you. And of course you can laugh out loud at them (and you will!) without fear of being knocked into next week.


  • Muscley plastic bodybuilders.
  • Wind them up and watch them workout.
  • Choose form Dumbbell Dwayne the weight lifting fanatic or Push up Preston the push-up pro.
  • Suitable for ages 8 years+.






    ※ 款式五:Inflatable Horse and Cowboy (勁舞牛仔)  我要買

    在家看完「斷背山」DVD後沒事做的話,不妨趕緊穿上這套勁舞牛仔裝,享受把家裡客廳當成沙漠奔馳的快樂,一體成形的裝備便於隨身攜帶,在學校下課十分鐘內絕對可以穿脫打仗完畢,有了牠你何必再買什麼OSIM的纖體馬師了呢!!!!??

    Inflatable Horse and Cowboy

    One of the drawbacks of modern urban living is that it's becoming increasingly difficult to find somewhere to keep your horse. Very few bars nowadays have anywhere set aside to tie it up, and criminal as it may sound, troughs are virtually extinct. What is the world coming to? Luckily we have a solution, firstly get rid of your horse, what were you thinking? Secondly, get hold of this absurd and wildly entertaining inflatable horse costume. More stupid than a skateboarding mongoose and a lot easier to control, the suit comes with its own internal fan, so you simply don a Butch Cassidy type hat (make sure it's not a David Cassidy hat, that would be, well, just stupid), step into the suit and inflate. In no time at all you will appear to be perched on you very own trusty steed and will look as authentic as a member of the Dirty Dozen (sort of), and marginally less absurd than the be-wheeled mongoose we mentioned earlier. You'll have to provide your own sound effects, but then that's half the fun anyway. No matter what the occasion, this is the best fancy dress costume there is - though if you're walking down the aisle you may want to consider something a tad more formal. It may only be single horse power, but it's a bigger crowd gatherer than a Ferrari, maybe.

  • Inflatable horse with cowboy suit.
  • Slip your legs into the horse's hind legs.
  • Pull the draw string around your waist.
  • Pop on the cowboy hat (included).
  • A fan to inflate the suit and keep you cool.
  • Suitable for ages 14 years+. 





    最後,獻給停不下健身腳步的你,請跟著以下影片中的神經病日本女人,與一群人型貴賓狗一起做做健身操吧,亞力山大如果早點引進這套課程,應該就不會倒了!!!!





    散會!!! 我要來跟著影片一起動了!!!!!








  • hao0903 發表在 痞客邦 PIXNET 留言(22) 人氣()


    留言列表 (22)

    發表留言
    • 豪哥粉絲
    • 好可愛

      頭香!喔耶!
      您的blog總帶給我每天的歡笑…開心喔
    • 哈!不過我沒有每天寫啦~~
      除非你天天看一樣的梗都還是會笑~~:P

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:04 回覆

    • cc
    • 真不敢相信...我把那段神經病影片看完了..
    • 你如果看完而沒有跟著做,我才是不敢相信!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:05 回覆

    • 貝姬
    • 真不敢相信,我竟然看不到那段影片
      "We're sorry,this video is no longer availavle" 才換好運動服,準備要跟著動了說...(昏)..
    • 不會吧!大家都看得到喔!
      你要不要再試試看!!絕對值回票價!!
      快換回你的運動服!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:06 回覆

    • 斗魚
    • 我的天啊..那個影片是什麼鬼..那一群貴賓狗真是太驚人了..最後面手要舉起來時..狗兒們都舉不起來..
      還有..乖乖的把英文翻完..
    • 貴賓狗真的是栩栩如生!!唯妙唯肖!!!
      日本的工業之精緻啊!!

      翻譯嗎...這.....(摔爛電子字典)

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:08 回覆

    • cindybeach
    • 豪哥
      我家裘莉聽見這貴賓運動錄影帶,居然從睡夢中驚醒狂繞我家客廳奔跑
      太驚人ㄚ~~~難道其中隱藏狗狗頻率?
    • 我相信你們家裘莉是有靈性的!!
      你也應該跟著牠一起起身勁舞!!
      才不枉牠的一片好意!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:10 回覆

    • Richard
    • 錄影帶我沒辦法看完,太銷魂了!!!
      又,貼牛仔裝太跳tone,你該貼「老背少」才是(推眼鏡)
    • 發現最後貼的影片大家還比較有共鳴!
      早知道這篇就主打噁爛貴賓好了!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:12 回覆

    • 甜姐兒
    • 我賜給這段影片五個白癡!!!(最高榮譽)
      不知道練成那種肌肉要多久..(心動)
      另外
      我也要買勁舞牛仔
      穿那個去週年慶一定很拉風!!
    • 對!大家都把焦點放在狗上面!
      其實女教練的肌肉才是精華所在啊!!!
      我也要去加州指名練成這副德性!!!進軍日本演藝圈!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:13 回覆

    • 羞於具名
    • 我必須說
      1. 看這video的全程, 我的嘴巴都是開的!! 蚊子都要飛進去了!!
      2. 2'50"的貴賓狗下體激凸了! 難道都沒有人檢舉嗎?!!!
    • 1.其實不只是蚊子,我剛剛看到一隻鸚鵡剛飛出來!!!!
      2.你觀察得非常入微!!!!你應該去投身電檢單位的!!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:16 回覆

    • 舒服大娘
    • 第二段的開頭...

      "憤怒的會員剛傳真[近]來說..."
      錯字! 賞巴!
    • 老規矩!
      證據都銷毀了!(扶眼鏡)

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:17 回覆

    • 舒服大娘
    • 我也看完了 = =

      半夜四點,看這種東西,會被嚇到...= =
      那個貴賓狗的頭,真是做的維妙維肖!
      對!我也看到激凸了~
      另外,到哪裡找身高那麼小隻的?
      總之,太進報了! 我是說"勁爆"...
    • 半夜四點還不睡!!!
      是為了找激凸而看了30遍嗎???

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:19 回覆

    • 豪哥後援會
    • 看來大家都有認真看,
      對啊,那是神經病女人,
      版主要更正,
      明明團員就有男的
    • 對!很好!我很欣慰!連激凸都有找出來!
      不過說不定這枚貴賓只是還沒變性完成,請再給她一點時間!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:20 回覆

    • 松鼠
    • 勁舞牛仔根本就是東方人的老背少好不好~
      西方人可以再沒有創意一點!copy cat!
      老實說身為女孩的我覺得急速阿公相當有魅力!從他背後乍看...我以為他是浮潛教練!
      那個氧氣瓶真的是拍案叫絕~~
      然後我想你應該會收藏這些玩具!畢竟這是你的風格!^口^
    • 的確!大家對老背少都有很深的眷戀!
      我想明年萬聖節我就去美國擺攤子賣好了!!
      連蚌殼精也一起帶去宣揚國威!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:22 回覆

    • 路人家
    • 那些貴賓狗是真的吧?!還是剪接上去的?!
    • 驚!
      這群狗若是真的話,我一定當場撲殺!!!不留活口!!!嚇死人!!!!
      無論如何,我寧可相信有人工的介入!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:23 回覆

    • sushiami
    • 真想看到老不修跛豪跟糟老頭周啟兒(不是蘇乞兒)激鬥!另外競走阿嬤台灣有在賣,我上禮拜才在101看到。
    • 周乞兒我覺得交給台上另外一位甜不辣小姐好了!他們的互鬥才是台灣精神指標!!!

      競走阿嬤101有賣!!!這麼時尚的地點也可以賣!!!我的蚌殼精有望了!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/18 13:25 回覆

    • najima
    • ............................................................
    • YOU!!! DOT-DOT-DOT GIRL!!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/20 17:13 回覆

    • amanda
    • 那個爆走阿公阿媽好精緻, 可以當成我爸的生日禮物, 我要寫信去訂做真人大小的版本!!! (女兒養這麼大真是白養了...)

      還有網友們的留言好爆笑, 有人在質疑貴賓狗的真實性, 當然是真的啦! (嘿嘿嘿)
    • 不會白養啊!
      我倒是覺得妳挺孝順的!妳爸爸會旖旎薇絨的!!!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/20 17:14 回覆

    • bobo
    • 哈哈哈哈哈
      那個影片真的是太妙了
      貴賓人肢體有障礙,上臂舉不起來
    • 對!貴賓人不是很好的示範!!
      每個動作都不是很札實!!!
      我覺得應該還要好好訓練一番!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/20 17:15 回覆

    • meple
    • 1.為何日本人是講英文?
      2.競走阿婆在sogo10樓也有賣唷!我當時看到這阿婆的售價跟交換禮物規定的差不多,
      本來有點心動想買的(畢竟399東西好難找...),但最後還是無法昧著良心買下這咪醜的東西來嚇大家...
    • 1.可能是為了讓全世界的貴賓狗都聽得懂吧!!很貼心!!
      2.快去買阿婆!!!!我要抽到妳的禮物!!!!快!!NOW!!!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/20 17:17 回覆

    • loner76
    • 我最近很缺猛男,幫我預定10個~
    • 好的!10個阿公嗎? 好!
      (完全沒在聽)

      hao0903 於 2007/12/20 17:19 回覆

    • amanda
    • 送這種精品給我爸不知道他會不會因此椅婐薇榕, 審美觀這種東西是賤人賤智的呀! (一整個弱...)
    • 沒關係!大不了就是明年壓歲錢沒了!
      不妨試試看!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/24 16:07 回覆

    • 小甜兒
    • 回報!回報!
      繼101跟SOGO之後
      競走阿罵也走到新光三越了
      歡迎大家熱烈選購!!!
    • 團隊合作真的很重要!!
      光是OL就可以自己組成一圈強韌的好康購物網!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/24 16:10 回覆

    • tml168168
    • 團購

      阿豪
      要不要引進貴賓狗用的狗骨頭啞鈴 我想市場很大
    • 好的!那預計是繼蚌殼精之後的第二波主打產品!

      hao0903 於 2007/12/27 14:37 回覆