上一篇獻給胖妞的讚美詩,據說在亞力山大關門的期間撫慰了不少發福的女性,沒想到這麼悖離世俗常道的詩也有安定人心的功用,我想大愛台也可以請利菁來主持『大愛天后宮』的節目了!算一算亞力山大歇業好幾天了,新買主也快浮上檯面了,本來也想寫一首詩獻給失業的健身教練們,但是怕寫出了寓意扭曲的詩而被人指責說是落井下石,我想我還是暫時收筆好了。

憤怒的會員剛傳真進來說可以考慮寫首詩給唐雅君、蔡純真這對姊妹淘,我覺得寫詩罵人真的有違我國小國語老師的本意,所以如果我有空的話,我還是來為她們畫一幅小畫家的人像圖好了,是不是比較溫馨一點?(結果國小美勞老師引咎辭職、隱居山中、引火自焚)

如果你是被騙錢的會員之一的話,先不要灰心,在亞力山大還沒有重新開業之前,讓我來為各位婆婆媽媽叔叔嬸嬸介紹幾款在家就能運動的玩具,而且都是以老人為形象所設計的款式,也非常適合對老人有嚴重偏見及歧視的年輕人操作使用。

※ 款式一:Fighting Grandads  (激鬥阿公)  我要買

激鬥阿公是兩個拿柺杖互K的老人家,你K我一記老不修,我K你一棒糟老頭,棒透了!!! 多麼希望我到了這把歲數還能硬朗到能跟朋友互K,那就真的沒有白活了!!!!! (以下貼出英文原文產品介紹,如果英文還沒退化光的朋友可以自行閱讀一下,有一股幽幽的俏皮在字裡行間發酵.......)

Forget weapons of mass destruction, a generous dose of righteous indignation and a walking stick in the hands of a grumpy old man is far more threatening. These be-cardiganed and wickedly armed wind-up Fighting Grandads are a force to be reckoned with, or played with at any rate.

Comically shoed and ludicrously hated they're silly, utterly pointless and so of course immense fun. Combined with the Racing Grannies they make for an elite geriatric task force capable of suppressing all insurgencies, or at least putting the youth of today firmly in their place.


  • Set of 2 wind-up grandads.
  • Grandads wear traditionally grandad-esque cardigans, comically small hats, and frumpy shoes, classic!
  • They fight with walking sticks and drag (detachable) wheely shopping baskets along behind them.
  • A suprisingly quick swinging arm action.
  • The Grandads are made of plastic.
  • They come in an illustrated box with a 'bus-stop-battle' announcement.
  • Suitable for ages 8 years+. 






    ※ 款式二:Racing Grannies  (競走阿嬤)  我要買

    競走阿嬤應該是發條玩偶系列的超激版了!!!!! 管他什麼哆啦A夢、哈囉Kitty紛紛暴走,發條阿嬤才是我們唯一的精神指標,而且我相信你也跟我一樣,看老人家能這般健步如飛一定是邊玩邊飆淚的!!!!!!

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    Possibly the best wind-up toy ever invented, the Racing Grannies are to geriatric speedway what Ferrari is to Formula One. As anyone who has been on the receiving end of a Zimmer-frame will know, grannies are formidable movers with legendary stamina, and these delightful wind-ups are testament to their endurance. With expressions of steely determination and complete with go-faster cardigans, these two are just a few winds away from the race of their lives. It's time to have your own Gran National!

  • Set of 2 wind-up grannies.
  • Clashing outfits, silver hair, droopy breasts and a snazzy zimmerframe.
  • Adjustable arms so the Grannies can be in 'Stand-up' mode or bent to 'Race' mode.
  • Made of plastic.
  • Presented in an illustrated box with witty captions.
  • Suitable for ages 8 years+.






    ※ 款式三:Speeding Grandads  (極速阿公)  我要買

    飆車少年請閃邊,什麼紐約東京甩尾還是頭文字ABCD,通通都給我到旁邊罰站,現在的香車美人都只想跟這位極速阿公一起享受奔馳的快感,不好意思,連林志玲也得乖乖排隊!!!!! 以下是飆車示意圖,速度快到我都有點眼花....(扶牆壁)

    Stanley and Arthur may be getting on a bit, but age has not curbed their enthusiasm to feel the need for speed. These two hi-octane octogenarian speedsters are ace contenders for the pavement pentathlon. Pull them back and release them on their unique fast-track race against time. Each speedway geezer sits on a mini scooter complete with oxygen tanks to fuel their enthusiasm. One pull back and off they'll whiz, but who's got what it takes, Stanley or Arthur? We've no idea as they look remarkably similar, and we don't really care, because they're both a blast.




  • A pair of speeding granddads.
  • Each granddad is sat on a shiny motorised scooter complete with OAP basket.
  • A pull back and go motion sets the granddads off on their need for speed mission.
  • Suitable for ages 8 years+.






    ※ 款式四:Muscle Beach Boys  (海灘肌男)  我要買

    好像一直介紹老人在運動,有種夕陽無線好只是近黃昏的惆悵感,好吧,既然夕陽都看到了,那就來海灘找找海灘男孩好了,亞力山大的教練們,這玩具是獻給你們的!!!! 祝你們早日找到工作!!! (哪壺不開提哪壺)

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    Working out is almost as exhausting as working up the required level of self-adoration to go through the whole process in the first place. Just watching people work-out is hard work, and slightly pervy. Well in a bid to alleviate the exhaustion of actually taking any exercise, and an in an attempt to make watching people pump iron acceptable, we introduce Dumbbell Dwayne and Push-up Preston, possibly the funniest wind-up merchants on the planet. Hot from Venice beach, these pumped up boys with their bulging biceps, chiselled features and scary teeth are the perfect answer to letting someone else sweat for you. And of course you can laugh out loud at them (and you will!) without fear of being knocked into next week.


  • Muscley plastic bodybuilders.
  • Wind them up and watch them workout.
  • Choose form Dumbbell Dwayne the weight lifting fanatic or Push up Preston the push-up pro.
  • Suitable for ages 8 years+.






    ※ 款式五:Inflatable Horse and Cowboy (勁舞牛仔)  我要買

    在家看完「斷背山」DVD後沒事做的話,不妨趕緊穿上這套勁舞牛仔裝,享受把家裡客廳當成沙漠奔馳的快樂,一體成形的裝備便於隨身攜帶,在學校下課十分鐘內絕對可以穿脫打仗完畢,有了牠你何必再買什麼OSIM的纖體馬師了呢!!!!??

    Inflatable Horse and Cowboy

    One of the drawbacks of modern urban living is that it's becoming increasingly difficult to find somewhere to keep your horse. Very few bars nowadays have anywhere set aside to tie it up, and criminal as it may sound, troughs are virtually extinct. What is the world coming to? Luckily we have a solution, firstly get rid of your horse, what were you thinking? Secondly, get hold of this absurd and wildly entertaining inflatable horse costume. More stupid than a skateboarding mongoose and a lot easier to control, the suit comes with its own internal fan, so you simply don a Butch Cassidy type hat (make sure it's not a David Cassidy hat, that would be, well, just stupid), step into the suit and inflate. In no time at all you will appear to be perched on you very own trusty steed and will look as authentic as a member of the Dirty Dozen (sort of), and marginally less absurd than the be-wheeled mongoose we mentioned earlier. You'll have to provide your own sound effects, but then that's half the fun anyway. No matter what the occasion, this is the best fancy dress costume there is - though if you're walking down the aisle you may want to consider something a tad more formal. It may only be single horse power, but it's a bigger crowd gatherer than a Ferrari, maybe.

  • Inflatable horse with cowboy suit.
  • Slip your legs into the horse's hind legs.
  • Pull the draw string around your waist.
  • Pop on the cowboy hat (included).
  • A fan to inflate the suit and keep you cool.
  • Suitable for ages 14 years+. 





    最後,獻給停不下健身腳步的你,請跟著以下影片中的神經病日本女人,與一群人型貴賓狗一起做做健身操吧,亞力山大如果早點引進這套課程,應該就不會倒了!!!!





    散會!!! 我要來跟著影片一起動了!!!!!








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